To the K-Car, Trevor!
Last night, Premier Smith took to the airwaves to announce what can only be described as a genius plan to stabilize Alberta’s public finances for the long term.
She only had ten minutes, so I’m here to flesh out some of the details.
As I understood the address, the plan is to go back to the Getty era and undo the fiscal mistakes that were made. Just stop the practice of dipping into the Heritage Fund for operating expenditures and, through the magic of compound interest and the like, 2024 Alberta will be sitting pretty like Norway!
Now, some of you haters are going to be skeptical about this plan, but I’m here to tell you it could work. The University of Calgary is all over this quantum stuff, and I’m pretty sure there’s someone over in the Science complex who’s ready to build the flux capacitor required and install it in a nondescript K-Car that will blend in to 1980s Edmonton.
(Now aren’t you grateful for investments in basic science? They really do pay off!)
The University of Calgary is also well-equipped to offer up our emissary to the past. Economist Trevor Tombe is the obvious candidate. He has Michael J. Fox’s boyish charm, the economist bona fides to explain the problem and - if all else fails - an iphone he can use to show them some fancy charts where the blue circle keeps getting bigger. Believe me, that graphic would knock socks off back in 1985.
Holy transdisciplinarity, Batman! We’re going to have the world’s first Quantum Economist!!
***
Okay, so my editor tells me that wasn’t the gist of the Premier’s address last night. Sorry for any confusion.
Turns out the point was to pave the way for all of us to make some sacrifices in the long-term interests of the province. The promised income tax cut will be postponed until the next election is a lot closer finances improve. Public sector workers should get ready to lower their expectations so that future generations of Albertans can avoid paying a sales tax. This shouldn’t be difficult; workers can draw on their recent experiences of lowering expectations so they could share the pain when oil prices were low.
But if that isn’t palatable, we could always go looking for a K-Car…
Well done, Lisa. Thanks, as always. I find myself thinking back to the heady days when Premier Getty told us his goal was to have every student in Alberta above the provincial average. Or to the promise that the Heritage Trust Fund would be there for Albertans on some "rainy day." Notwithstanding that a legion of rainy days has come and gone, with the much ballyhooed HTF singing, "Somewhere, Over The Rainbow ..." But I digress.
Wasn't it just last month Premier Floor Crosser was bragging about her $2.4 Billion surplus? I wonder how that happened - oh wait, O&G royalties arose like the Phoenix and saved her booty. So how is it that on the news this week I heard the cost of electricity has practically doubled over the last year:
"Stats Canada noted that electricity prices more than doubled in Alberta, going up by 119.9 per cent from January 2023 to January 2024. Nationally, however, electricity only went up by 11.1 per cent."
But you know, the bogeyman is really "Big, Bad Ottawa!" always picking on poor li'l Alberta, while the ossified rural minority eats it up like M&M's (just not those pro-LGBTQ green ones).
And don't even get me started on her profoundly embarrassing fete of Tucker Carlson.
No wonder I drink.
Well done, Lisa! Hilariously funny with a strong dose of reality. Keep up the great work!